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The Older Non Gamer - Part 1: Dating the TONG |
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Written by Ninox
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Tuesday, 24 October 2006 |
“Are you having fun with your imaginary friends?”
If you have ever trawled a dating
website then you will know that gaming does not exist. According to my
research nearly 100% of the population likes romantic walks on the
beach and candlelit dinners instead.
No
mention of murlocs, no romantic descriptions of favourite weaponry and
no avowals of allegiance to imaginary suspect underground
organisations. You can jot down your favourite movies, declare your
suspect taste in music and write in all those hobbies that think you
would really like to do. But search as I might I can’t see a spot to
write in your favourite game. Welcome to world of the dating the older
non-gamer (no no…. not the TONG! ).
I suspect that the older you are the
worse it is. There is a weird perception that declaring that you are a
video gamer is tantamount to declaring you are an immature nerd with no
social life. Which we know is a totally unfair accusation as we visited
at least 3 dungeons last week with friends. Think of it as a kind of
vestigial knee jerk reaction from the days when you needed a degree in
computer science to get your dos games running, after you built the
computer from spare parts. Others seem to have an image of games that
are stuck in the dark ages of huge pixels and even huger breasts. Despite
changes in the demographics of players and a slow dawning realisation
amongst the general population that gaming is big, big, big, it seem
that many of the TONG haven’t caught up with just how complex and
entertaining gaming has become.
“She would never want to meet me. ….She would never date another person who played those kind of games. Goodbye”
So what do you do? Run
your dating campaigns under a subterfuge of “normal interests”,
meanwhile evilly plotting world takeover….opps I mean wondering how to
introduce the topic of games. Or do you blurt it out up front? Soooo
what’s your opinion on the benefit of warlocks versus mages?
“What I used to do is
not say I game right away. Not in my online profiles. I casually
describe it as my interest in computer and medieval times. And then
later on introduce it as my hobby………What I do these days, is just flat
out write up that I likes these kind of things, but do not expect them
to partake in it”
I guess each one of us
is going to approach it differently. Personally I let people know I
game straight away. After all its part of my life and I am not ashamed
of it. If I scare some away, well that might not be the gaming that did
that. You might also want to explain the difference between a clan and
a cult.
“After mentioning
to my girlfriend that I had just joined a clan she went quiet and thing
were quite strange for a couple of days…….For the week after joining
TOG she was trying to figure out what to do or say to me as she was
thinking that I was going to try and recruit her for the cult as well.”
Of course you can always turn the tables on the TONG…..oh you don’t game, how quaint and old-fashioned.
Ok so you didn’t scare them away and
have now progressed to girlfriend/boyfriend status. From reading the
forums it seems that your relationship is now scheduled to fit into one
of three categories: hatred, tolerance or the holy grail of gamer
relationships - participation. Some
of the TONG will just hate games not matter what you say or do. Games
to some parts of the populations are evil time wasters, nasty childish
silly things. Part of the problem is of course that you are not
spending time with them.
“She hates WoW, but
with the same hatred she has for anything that I choose to do besides
couching it with her in front of Australian Idol (shudder).”
Other views on gaming cause problems in more insidious ways.
“Irritation arose from
their view that gaming is not useful or productive way to spend time
and certainly not be enjoyed as “true art” like a movie or book………The
fact hat they were not able to respect gaming as a worthwhile pastime
gnawed away at their respect for me as well, which is understandable,
but still very draining to go through.”
For those dating the
game hating TONG nothing seems as miraculous and wonderful as the
participating partner. They dream of the partner who will sit on the
spare computer, casually fragging them in the back whilst smiling with
extra white teeth. Many
of us try to gently encourage our partner into playing, we sneak in
games as birthday presents and gently encourage their first tentative
efforts at killing rats.
“I used to have a
computer in the backroom and would spend many hours away from her. From
time to time she would come to the other room but only stay for a
couple of minutes. Anyway after a month or two she started telling me
how to play. I bought the game for her as a present (and so I could
play in peace) and she is now almost as addicted as I am”
But be warned participation can turn into competition
“My fiancée decided to
give it a go and when he became redundant at work, played ALOT more…… 1
account, I PC capable of playing the game…… I was relegated W3 or
Cleopatra or Diablo 2…… and subsequently I lost the account, lost the
little lvl34 hunter I had in progress and had to buy a second PC and
account in the house.”
Participation might not
be actually playing the game, some of us like to watch. There are
back-seat drivers - turn left, try that door, pick that health pack up,
have you looked here, jump higher. There are quiet companions that sit
by you. There are the ten minutes and I’m bored watchers. And then
there are the little comments
“Your epic cat mount looks like the one He-man has.”
“My wife thinks night elves should either eat some food or seek counselling for what is obviously an eating disorder.”
“Your hat doesn’t match your shirt and I think you deserved that for crimes against fashion”
All in all tolerance seems to be more
common. We play and we compromise. We achieve a balance between going
out and gaming, between our interests and our relationships. As many
people point out at least you are at home.
“
I guess my relationship as is, I’m still and avid gamer. I love to play
games. I don’t have to always play games. However if I do want to play
games rather than go out, she lets me if I warn her early enough.”
The one thing that all successful
relationships with the tolerant TONG have in common is an understanding
that family comes first.
"She is far more important to me than gaming."
But if all else fails then sometimes dumping them seems the answer
“He wouldn’t stop whining about me playing Wow, so I dumped him” - a true story from my real life sister
Next Month: Part 2 Married to the TONG
All quotes are from TOG forums
Discuss this article here.
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Last Updated ( Tuesday, 24 October 2006 )
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