What is your hearts desire?
This question was asked of me when I was backpacking over 15 years ago. At the time I gave a flippant answer and forgot about it. Recently it has been something I have been thinking about.
The other day it came to me. My hearts desire is, quite simply, to learn. Doesn't seem like a biggy really, something rather simple. It's not and it has caused me no amount of trouble.
I don't just read books, I devour them. I am always enrolled in some course or another of some kind. Recently I was asked what my goal was for doing my Bachalor of Social Science. I had no answer, on furthur questioning I admited I was doing the course because the subjects interested me not because I wanted to achieve a particular career goal. In fact, once my degree is completed the only plan I have is more study.
Now, on the surface this doesn't seem like much of an issue. All knowledge is worth having. The problem is I only have surface knowlege. I know a little about everything but not alot about anything so to speak. I can tell you about the inner workings of a car engine but can't fix one. I can describe the process of heart surgery but could not perform it. My grandfather used to say I was "book smart but otherwise dumb". I have very limited common sense and am usually oblivious to what is actually happening around me.
So where does this get me? Well, nowhere to be totally honest. I do not have enough knowlege on any particular subject for it to actually be useful to me. I have very few skills that would actually gain me employment. Once I'm finished my Uni degree I have a piece of paper that will help me gain employment and this is good. But what I really want to do is start another course. I would love to do Anthropology, or a Librarians course.
My grandmother once said I was born in the wrong era..that I should have been born in the times of scholars and bards. Maybe that is true, but it doesn't help me now.
In this day and age my skills with research and finding things aren't really all that useful. We live in the age of Google after all. And for me to sucessfully research something I have to have an interest in it....otherwise I end up playing with lego or researching the aquaducts of ancient cultures.
I find I am very frustrated with myself. If I could just stick to something.....but there are so many interesting things! So many natural wonders, so many interesting cultural abnormalities, so many....there are just so many things I want to learn!!