Retro Console Collecting - Interlude 4 (I *really* suck at updating)
Posted 21st July 2011 at 07:13 AM by Schizo
Yes, it has been three months since I last updated. Want to know why I haven't updated?
Well, I'll tell you!
No wait, get back here! Sit down....I said sit down! You're gonna listen to my tale, and you're gonna like it!
Are the ropes too tight? I'd hate to have to get the shackles out. Comfortable? Well, I am...so here we go.
It all started about three months ago. I was sitting on my laptop cruising ebay for some more retro gaming goodness, when out of the blue a messenger hawk landed on my window sill. Knowing full well how messenger hawks (and other forms of archaic communication) are most certainly harbingers of a dire emergency, I immediately slammed the window shut and began a search for exterminators.
Telegrams? Pfft. Sealed letters? Don't waste my time. Engraved invitations? Don't bother. However, it was when I saw the smoke signals in the air, I knew something big was up.
I grabbed a pen and paper and began jotting down a quick translation. It seemed there was an infestation of rabid polar bears wielding semi-automatic rifles up at the north pole, and my help was needed! Either that, or it was an advertisement claiming "Eat At Joe's!". I'm not too sure, and I often get the two mixed up as my smoke signal translation is a bit rusty.
Anyway...my help was needed! Ready for battle, I immediately jumped aboard my trusty steed. I was then immediately punched in the face by my girlfriend, and I was told in in no uncertain terms that she would pack up her stuff and leave if I ever again jumped on her back and called her 'my trusty steed'. I don't think the bridle and the 'giddyap!' helped any either.
Next I....look, your continued groaning isn't helping things any. Don't make me go get the duct tape to cover your mouth with!
Now, where was I? Oh yes...eventually, I made it to the north pole, where a three-month long war was waged against the rabid polar bears and their ill-gotten weapons. There was tremendous blood spilled on both sides, and there are tales and songs of individual feats of heroism, courage, loss, and forbidden romance. But those are tales for another time...
Nevertheless, I emerged alive (though not entirely unscathed) from the whole ordeal, and I was made an honorary chieftain amongst the polar bears (my name to them is Natuk-Oh). I traveled my way back here to share this tale with you.
I promise the next post will be chock full of updates on the retro console collecting. I just felt that you all needed to know the reason for my absence.
Thanks for bearing (bear...get it? yeah, puns are the lowest form of humor) with me through all this. Now, let me untie you and we'll never speak of this again.*
*note: All of the above is entirely true. Completely. No, really. It is. All of it. Because who would believe that Schizo has been too busy being slammed at work, and having other outside issues that prevent him from posting? Everyone! And that makes for B-O-R-I-N-G reading. Besides, if you really believe all that, I have some
swampland prime waterfront real estate out in Florida I'd like to sell you...