AH HAHH AHHAHHAHAHHHHAHA!!
As a small boy when feeding tabasco to my favourite Burro, and then later rubbing a cooling cactus salve onto the place where my eyebrows used to be, often I would feel I was destined for greater things!
I would wander around Casa De La Bazz, picking up flaming droppings with my asbestos gloves, and dream of the glory that one day might be mine.
I had the design for my spleefing nylon in mind from a young age - before even my second skin graft to cover my burns.
We were a poor but proud family, I had no shovel with which to practice, instead I used cactus branches....and I would dig - dig like there was no tomorrow, until the cactus stained my skin and the barbs could no longer hurt me.
Those in my village said I was loco.
Perhaps I was.
The cactus juice stained my skin, seeped into my pores and more - it soaked into my soul until I was no longer Bazz...I became El Bazzito!
Like a plauge (or past date Taco) I passed through my home land, all fell before me - small children would call my name, their mothers would dream that one day they would shout it in the midst of passion!
I was no longer just a man - I became legend.
And yet I trained.
With a single strike from my spleefing spade, villages would collapse.
And yet I trained.
Two strikes from my blade - and Pluto was no longer a planet.
And I trained.....
In search of the heights of spleefdom, I donned my nylon, mounted my Burro and left in search of other realms - realms that would bow to my greatness.
And I found TOG.
The battles were mighty.
The cactus juice staining my hands became covered in blood - both mine and those who rose against me.
Then I lost interest for a little bit, until tonight!
The call came across TOG - where is Admiral?
He did not show.
I assume fear kept him from showing up.
And with my mighty voice I did cry unto the judges:
"WHO CAME SECOND?"
And the judge spoke - all was quiet as we heard his words:
"You Bazz - need we say anymore?"
And I grinned, and laughed, and chuckled - snorted a little bit as well....
And then after two minutes said:
"So I win by default?"
And the judges said it was so.
And so people of TOG, to those who strive and grind - I say it IS possible, you CAN be as great as I have always been.
People of TOG - This golden shovel - I dedicate to you.
(please excuse my english)