Health, You and the Launch of Guild Wars 2

Tilce | 23 August 2012 | 4 comments (off)

Health, You and the Launch of Guild Wars 2

Here at The Older Gamers, Guild Wars 2 Division, we take the health of our members very seriously. We know that some people are avid game players and we want to mitigate any kind of health issues that may arise during extended play times. We do not want any of our members dying during the highly anticipated release of Guild Wars 2. We care about all our members, and let’s be honest, it’s also bad for business.

Please read and consider the following 7.5 health and safety tips:

  • Get some rest. Sleep is not your enemy. If your eyes are starting to burn, go to bed. Unlike the Beta Weekend Events and Stress Tests, GW2 will be around when you wake up in the morning.
  • Drink plenty of fluids. You’re probably going to spend a lot of time drooling / crying over the course of the launch weekend. Those precious bodily fluids won’t replace themselves
  • Eat healthy. Or at least try to. Ok, ok, just say the word “salad” out loud and call it even. Seriously though, eating a lot of junk food and sitting around won’t make you feel well.
  • Move around. Unless you have a really nice ass, your chair will probably be begging for mercy around day 2. Since most of us probably don’t fit into that category, get up and walk around a bit. This will help your muscles stretch and blood circulate, which means more oxygen to the brain and more enjoyment playing.
  • Get fresh air. Open the door, turn on a fan or open a window; don’t play in a closed room for hours on end. The air will get stale and make you drowsy. Couple this with a lack of sleep, and you’re that person who is snoring into Teamspeak. And yes, that has happened.

  • Stay clean. Take a shower and brush your teeth. If your family only gets to see you in a limited capacity, at least have that short time be pleasant. God help you if I can smell your stink over Guild Chat...

  • Mind your pets and children. Be sure they get plenty of food and water. If they start gnawing at your legs, it means they’re hungry or they’ve become zombies, either way you’re doing a crappy job of being a parent.
  • I’m pretty sure there was one more thing, but I can’t remember what it was. I hope no one dies from it; that would probably make me look bad.

Feel free to forward this list to anyone you know who might have issues along these lines. And if they don’t have any of these problems, they just better at hiding it.

Notice: This writing is a work of satire and should not in any way be construed as legitimate health advice. The Older Gamers, the user known as “Specs” and any other entities associated with this website will not be held legally accountable for any actions taken in accordance with this document. Fool, what do we look like, WebMD?

4 Comments so far

Not legitimate!? Why the heck did I read this then?
...Still going to try that “salad” bit.

Nice write up Specs words to live by come the madness of pre release

“I’m pretty sure there was one more thing, but I can’t remember what it was. I hope no one dies from it; that would probably make me look bad.”

Great, I guarantee this one will apply to me. I hope you’re happy! ;)

Good read practical yet funny. I always forget to eat when I play MMO’s

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