Joke Beavers and the EPA!

Discussion in 'The Barracks' started by Jammer, Aug 16, 2003.

  1. Jammer

    Jammer Getting Started

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    Good friends of our's, Gary and Tess, sent us this as a recent write up in their home state of Michigan. One can laugh at it at the same time one cries at the obvious waste of precious funds in Red Tape....

    This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan.

    SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County

    Dear Mr. DeVries:

    It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

    Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

    A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

    The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream
    channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2003.

    Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

    We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
    Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
    Sincerely,
    David L. Price,
    District Representative
    Land and Water Management Division


    Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

    Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.

    Dear Mr. Price:

    This is a response to your certified letter dated 12/17/02.

    I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their
    skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

    As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.
    My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers,
    or
    (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?
    If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, citing the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of
    Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

    I have several concerns.
    My first concern is; aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute, with no evidence of a cent to their names. They are unable to pay for said representation, and aforementioned legal representation must be provided by the State of Michigan to provide them with a dam lawyer.

    The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, should we leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names?

    If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers , but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, the aforementioned being unable to read English. I suggest you provide on site, an English to Beaver translator.

    In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. Their ancestors probably occupied this land before there was a Department of Environment, a State of Michigan, and quite probably a United States of America. As such I suspect the qualify legally as “Native Americans” so you had best copy this missive to the Department of the Interior. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). You see there wouldn’t BE a Spring Pond without the beavers hard work so before Legal Proceedings are initiated you had best take out a “Destruction of Wetlands” permit.

    So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now.
    Why wait until 1/31/2003?
    The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

    In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area.
    It’s the bears!
    The answer to the old question; “Does a Bear Shit In The Woods?”, is blatantly YES!

    Bears are actually defecating in these woods. I have found definitive proof in the form of tracks and scat in a multitude of areas around Spring Pond.
    I believe you should be investigating the defecating bears, and their potentially non-existant permit to discharge raw, untreated sewage on the surface of the ground, with the Sewage Enforcement Officer.
    Leave the dam beavers alone.
    If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are obviously not careful where they dump!

    Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

    Thank you,
    Ryan DeVries & THE DAM BEAVERS
     
  2. Fox

    Fox Clown Administrator Administrator Moderator

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    Laughed my way all through that one ...
     
  3. Tri

    Tri Well-Known Member

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    ROFLMAO!! :lol: Let us know what response they get for that please. Dam(sic) funny.
     
  4. Py-or

    Py-or Active Member

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    dam thats funny and I can't wait for the dam response! :lol:
     
  5. G-B-H

    G-B-H Getting Started

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    Thanks for that.
     
  6. BARAB

    BARAB Getting Started

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    Good one Jammer!!! LMAO :lol: :lol:
     
  7. Solis

    Solis Getting Started

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    Yes we need the response - we need closure
    LAMO
     
  8. Delta2

    Delta2 Getting Started

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  9. Jammer

    Jammer Getting Started

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    Closure is awaited

    As of yet Mr Devries has NOT recieved an official answer. Remember the wheels of Government grind exceedingly slow and find, give them a little more time

    As SOON as I hear more Ill post it

    Jamm
     
  10. Gatoc

    Gatoc Active Member

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  11. Aramar

    Aramar Active Member

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    typical red tape bureaucrats with the typically dam-able bureaucracy's :x
     
  12. Wayfarer

    Wayfarer Well-Known Member

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    hehe that's dam good, I larfed some much I could hardley bear it :)
     

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