Totally meaningless

Discussion in 'The Barracks' started by SnakeTails, May 2, 2003.

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  1. SnakeTails

    SnakeTails Well-Known Member

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    FORTUNE'S FAVORITE RECIPES: #8
    Christmas Rum Cake

    1 or 2 quarts rum 1 tbsp. baking powder
    1 cup butter 1 tsp. soda
    1 tsp. sugar 1 tbsp. lemon juice
    2 large eggs 2 cups brown sugar
    2 cups dried assorted fruit 3 cups chopped English walnuts

    Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. Good, isn't it? Now
    select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the rum again. It
    must be just right. Be sure the rum is of the highest quality. Pour one cup
    of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat. With an electric
    mixer, beat one cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 seaspoon of tugar
    and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure the rum teh absolutely highest quality.
    Sample another cup. Open second quart as necessary. Add 2 orge laggs, 2 cups
    of fried druit and beat untill high. If the fried druit gets stuck in the
    beaters, just pry it loose with a screwdriver. Sample the rum again, checking
    for toncisticity. Next sift 3 cups of baking powder, a pinch of rum, a
    seaspoon of toda and a cup of pepper or salt (it really doesn't matter).
    Sample some more. Sift 912 pint of lemon juice. Fold in schopped butter and
    strained chups. Add bablespoon of brown gugar, or whatever color you have.
    Mix mell. Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 gredees and rake until
    poothtick comes out crean.
     
  2. SnakeTails

    SnakeTails Well-Known Member

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    Gibson's Springtime Song (to the tune of "Deck the Halls"):

    'Tis the season to chase mousies (Fa la la la la, la la la la)
    Snatch them from their little housies (...)
    First we chase them 'round the field (...)
    Then we have them for a meal (...)

    Toss them here and catch them there (...)
    See them flying through the air (...)
    Watch them fly and hear them squeal (...)
    Falling mice have great appeal (...)

    See the hunter stretched before us (...)
    He's chased the mice in field and forest (...)
    Watch him clean his long white whiskers (...)
    Of the blood of little critters (...)
     
  3. SnakeTails

    SnakeTails Well-Known Member

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    A couple more shots of whiskey, women 'round here start looking good.

    [something about a 10 being a 4 after a six-pack? Ed.]


    You know you're in a small town when...
    You don't use turn signals because everybody knows where you're going.
    You're born on June 13 and your family receives gifts from the local
    merchants because you're the first baby of the year.
    Everyone knows whose credit is good, and whose wife isn't.
    You speak to each dog you pass, by name... and he wags his tail.
    You dial the wrong number, and talk for 15 minutes anyway.
    You write a check on the wrong bank and it covers you anyway.


    If life is merely a joke, the question still remains: for whose amusement?


    Eudaemonic research proceeded with the casual mania peculiar to this part of
    the world. Nude sunbathing on the back deck was combined with phone calls to
    Advanced Kinetics in Costa Mesa, American Laser Systems in Goleta, Automation
    Industries in Danbury, Connecticut, Arenberg Ultrasonics in Jamaica Plain,
    Massachusetts, and Hewlett Packard in Sunnyvale, California, where Norman
    Packard's cousin, David, presided as chairman of the board. The trick was to
    make these calls at noon, in the hope that out-to-lunch executives would return
    them at their own expense. Eudaemonic Enterprises, for all they knew, might be
    a fast-growing computer company branching out of the Silicon Valley. Sniffing
    the possibility of high-volume sales, these executives little suspected that
    they were talking on the other end of the line to a naked physicist crazed
    over roulette.
    -- Thomas Bass, "The Eudaemonic Pie"
     
  4. SnakeTails

    SnakeTails Well-Known Member

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    Oh, and I do read all of these before I post them ;o)
     
  5. SnakeTails

    SnakeTails Well-Known Member

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    Poorman's Rule:
    When you pull a plastic garbage bag from its handy dispenser package,
    you always get hold of the closed end and try to pull it open.


    Something better...

    13 (sympathetic): Oh, What happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God?
    14 (complimentary): You must love the little birdies to give them this to
    perch on.
    15 (scientific): Say, does that thing there influence the tides?
    16 (obscure): Oh, I'd hate to see the grindstone.
    17 (inquiry): When you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid?
    18 (french): Say, the pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you
    leave.
    19 (pornographic): Finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once.
    20 (religious): The Lord giveth and He just kept on giving, didn't He.
    21 (disgusting): Say, who mows your nose hair?
    22 (paranoid): Keep that guy away from my cocaine!
    23 (aromatic): It must be wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the
    coffee ... in Brazil.
    24 (appreciative): Oooo, how original. Most people just have their teeth
    capped.
    25 (dirty): Your name wouldn't be Dick, would it?
    -- Steve Martin, "Roxanne"


    Those who have had no share in the good fortunes of the mighty
    Often have a share in their misfortunes.
    -- Bertolt Brecht, "The Caucasian Chalk Circle"
     
  6. SnakeTails

    SnakeTails Well-Known Member

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    "`...and the Universe,' continued the waiter, determined
    not to be deflected on his home stretch, `will explode
    later for your pleasure.'
    Ford's head swivelled slowly towards him. He spoke with
    feeling.
    `Wow,' he said, `What sort of drinks do you serve in this
    place?'
    The waiter laughed a polite little waiter's laugh.
    `Ah,' he said, `I think sir has perhaps misunderstood me.'
    `Oh, I hope not,' breathed Ford."

    - Ford in paradise.


    Creating computer software is always a demanding and painstaking
    process -- an exercise in logic, clear expression, and almost fanatical
    attention to detail. It requires intelligence, dedication, and an
    enormous amount of hard work. But, a certain amount of unpredictable
    and often unrepeatable inspiration is what usually makes the difference
    between adequacy and excellence.


    Rule of the Great:
    When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep
    thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.


    You'll always be,
    What you always were,
    Which has nothing to do with,
    All to do, with her.
    -- Company


    Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog it's too
    dark to read.
    -- Groucho Marx
     
  7. SnakeTails

    SnakeTails Well-Known Member

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    Little known fact about Middle Earth: The Hobbits had a very sophisticated
    computer network! It was a Tolkien Ring...


    "The net result is a system that is not only binary compatible with 4.3 BSD,
    but is even bug for bug compatible in almost all features."
    -- Avadit Tevanian, Jr., "Architecture-Independent Virtual Memory Management
    for Parallel and Distributed Environments: The Mach Approach"


    Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly
    we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made. But it is too late to change
    anything. -- Calvin


    Leadership involves finding a parade and getting in front of it; what
    is happening in America is that those parades are getting smaller and
    smaller -- and there are many more of them.
    -- John Naisbitt, "Megatrends"


    Romulan women are not like Vulcan females. We are not dedicated to
    pure logic and the sterility of non-emotion.
    -- Romulan Commander, "The Enterprise Incident",
    stardate 5027.3


    Bender: "Hey, guess what you're accessories to?"


    In this world some people are going to like me and some are not. So, I may
    as well be me. Then I know if someone likes me, they like me.
     
  8. SnakeTails

    SnakeTails Well-Known Member

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    MY income is ALL disposable!


    I don't have a income, I'm married.


    intoxicated, adj.:
    When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it.


    I finally went to the eye doctor. I got contacts. I only need them to
    read, so I got flip-ups.
    -- Steven Wright


    "If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom; and
    the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money it values more, it will
    lose that, too."
    -- W. Somerset Maugham


    Do, or do not; there is no try.


    "Remember Kruschev: he tried to do too many things too fast, and he was
    removed in disgrace. If Gorbachev tries to destroy the system or make too
    many fundamental changes to it, I believe the system will get rid of him.
    I am not a political scientist, but I understand the system very well.
    I believe he will have a "heart attack" or retire or be removed. He is
    up against a brick wall. If you think they will change everything and
    become a free, open society, forget it!"
    -- Victor Belenko, MiG-25 fighter pilot who defected in 1976
    "Defense Electronics", Vol 20, No. 6, pg. 110


    Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.
    -- James J. Ling



    Price Wang's programmer was coding software. His fingers danced upon
    the keyboard. The program compiled without an error message, and the program
    ran like a gentle wind.
    Excellent!" the Price exclaimed, "Your technique is faultless!"
    "Technique?" said the programmer, turning from his terminal, "What I
    follow is the Tao -- beyond all technique. When I first began to program I
    would see before me the whole program in one mass. After three years I no
    longer saw this mass. Instead, I used subroutines. But now I see nothing.
    My whole being exists in a formless void. My senses are idle. My spirit,
    free to work without a plan, follows its own instinct. In short, my program
    writes itself. True, sometimes there are difficult problems. I see them
    coming, I slow down, I watch silently. Then I change a single line of code
    and the difficulties vanish like puffs of idle smoke. I then compile the
    program. I sit still and let the joy of the work fill my being. I close my
    eyes for a moment and then log off."
    Price Wang said, "Would that all of my programmers were as wise!"
    -- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
     
  9. SnakeTails

    SnakeTails Well-Known Member

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    Where's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT??
     
  10. SnakeTails

    SnakeTails Well-Known Member

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    It has recently dawned on me that despite his numerous posts (the content of which I usually fail to comprehend) Snaketales does not actually appear to be active in any of the various TOG divisions.

    Rather than have to poor bloke feel left outand unloved I have sought to find a division within which Snakey-Poo could find a home and thus become more a part of the TOG family.

    In the absence of any existing divisions suiting Snakey's unique talents (whatever they may be) I hereby request that Father form the TOG Forum Spamming Division with Snaketales as its Captain.

    Although by no means the most frequent poster Snake has earnt the Captaincy through his unique, undeniable talent for lengthy, obscure often irrelevant, seldom read posts. I challenge anyone to admit that they have actually read to the finish every one of Snakes post that they started reading.

    We already have enough people to run our own internal ladder.

    Derelict seems more than capable of providing some stiff competition for Snake.
     
  11. SnakeTails

    SnakeTails Well-Known Member

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    The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas
    River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.

    With all our in-stirring, how could I pissed at you mate ;o)

    If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing his hair. If this doesn't
    work, use the other side of the brush on the other end of the child.


    Changed by request...
     
  12. Pseudonym

    Pseudonym Getting Started

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    ONLY IN AMERICA

    on't you just love the US legal system. . . . .
    The "Stella" awards The "Stella" awards rank up there with the Darwin awards. Stella Liebeck is the 81 year old lady who spilled coffee on herself and sued McDonalds.
    This case inspired an annual award - The "Stella" Award for the most frivolous lawsuits in the U. S.

    The following are this year's candidates:

    1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving child was Ms. Robertson's son.

    2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74, 000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.
    Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car, when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

    3. October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation. Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days.
    He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food.
    He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars.

    4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

    5. May 2000: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113, 500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it > at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

    6. December 1997: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3. 50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

    And the winner is:

    Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City. In November 2000, Mr. Grazinski who purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee.

    Not surprisingly the Winnie left the freeway, crashed and overturned.
    Mr.
    Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that he couldn't actually do this. He was awarded $1, 750, 000 plus a new Winnie.

    Winnebago actually changed their handbooks on the back of this court case, just in case there are any other complete morons buying their vehicles.
     
  13. SnakeTails

    SnakeTails Well-Known Member

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    And I am cheating for "cut-and-paste" mate ??? HAHAHAHahahaha.....

    wife, coal steam, oil..... Sudo is in heaven ;o)
     
  14. SnakeTails

    SnakeTails Well-Known Member

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    How old ARE the olsen twins?
    you remember those 2 little annoying munchkins from a TV show, both played the one part.... well by now they are a wee little bit older...

    http://www.daleford.com/twins.php
     
  15. Pseudonym

    Pseudonym Getting Started

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    Snake thats almost Kiddie porn. They re children. In fact they have probably beaten us in BF at some stage.
     
  16. SnakeTails

    SnakeTails Well-Known Member

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    it also depends on your def'n on "kiddy-porn"

    they *are* fully dressed.......
     
  17. Pseudonym

    Pseudonym Getting Started

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    Mind you a photo in 5 years time i'd look at :D
     
  18. SnakeTails

    SnakeTails Well-Known Member

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    400 days is less than 5 years ;o)
     
  19. SnakeTails

    SnakeTails Well-Known Member

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    Ok, a different direction of my Meaningless SPAM FEST ;o)

    What not to tell your EX-GF after you have split up with her...

    The reaction from the EX......

    COOOOL... let me have some FUN.....

    The above were the SMS's sent not long after finding out the new GF was reading them :twisted:
     
  20. Pseudonym

    Pseudonym Getting Started

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    Hey Snakey, they locked the thread about your new division. Of all the drivel that gets posted on the forums and my thread gets locked. I'm sure its cos they are jealous. i'll have to think of a new one now. :twisted:
     
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